Have you ever received an email from someone who you knew was calling you an idiot? You didn’t need them to spell out y-o-u i-d-i-o-t for you to know what they were saying. You knew that you were being talked down to. We’ve all had the experience of getting toxic emails that made us feel like a deer in headlights as the writer’s snarky tone smashed into our self-esteem. Recent research at the University of Illinois found that rude workplace emails have a lingering effect on employees’ wellness.

We can’t control when others might write these kinds of emails, but we can control whether we write them. In our email training, we advise business people to follow the “You Idiot!” Rule. If you read an email that you’ve written aloud and find that you can naturally add the words “You idiot!” to the message, do not send the email.

Think back to the time when you were the unlucky recipient. How did the email make you feel about the person who sent it? Friendly? Angry? Defensive? Did the email’s tone create openness to the writer’s message or resistance? If you’re like the hundreds of people to whom I have posed these questions, the “you idiot” email did nothing for the writer’s relationship with you or, more importantly, for the success of the communication, other than to let you know the person’s withering regard for your capabilities.

Occasionally, a business leader might feel tempted to shoot off a “you idiot” email because they genuinely think the reader is an idiot, and they want to tell them so. But I think this is the exception.

More often, these snarky emails escape the confines of the writer’s emotional filters and race forward to ruin relationships in the workplace. In other words, the writer did not consciously think they were calling you an idiot. But you and I know they did it.

What can you do to ensure you do not break the “you idiot” rule?

Don’t email when you are angry or upset.

Even if you are not upset with the person you’re writing to, your emotions may bleed into your communication. If you are actually upset at the person you plan to write to, it’s even more essential to manage your emotions before your fingers hit the keyboard. Get up from your desk and take a walk. Take three deep breaths. Recite a mantra. Do whatever will break the cycle of negative feelings and enable you to center your energy again. Then tackle the email.

Resolve issues straightforwardly.

Rather than shooting off a passive-aggressive missive, identify your concern and express it in clear, unemotional language. For example, if a person failed to show up for a lunch date, you have a choice of how to respond. You could write, “You didn’t show up for our lunch date today. I waited an hour,” which is clearly a “You idiot” email. Conversely, you could write, “I missed you at lunch today. Is everything OK? Let me know when you’d like to reschedule.” Or if someone did not include you in an important meeting, you could write, “I was hurt that you did not include me in the meeting,” instead of “I can’t believe you held that meeting without me!”

Avoid questionable terms.

Words like actually, just, and fine can easily be interpreted as passive-aggressive. Keep your word choice neutral.

Reread every email before sending it, keeping the reader in mind.

People often send toxic emails in the heat of the moment without considering their tone or likely results. Then they live with the tattered morale that ensues. Preclude this unpleasantness by disciplining yourself to read every email before you send it. We can protect ourselves by developing a firm habit of reading before sending. Do not rush to write; the person won’t die if they wait a few hours for your message.

Get someone else to read it before you send it.

If you have any doubt about the tone of your email, run it by a trusted adviser or friend. Give them the chance to say, “You were actually thinking of sending that email? You idiot!”

Business relationships rely on mutual regard. When we allow ourselves to break the “you idiot” rule and send hostile or passive-aggressive emails to colleagues, we tear at the fabric of our organization’s culture and undermine the very connections on which we ultimately rely to get our jobs done. Remember the proverb that says you catch more flies with honey than vinegar? It’s still true.

The post How to Avoid Writing Toxic Emails That Put Your Employees Down appeared first on Worktalk.

We all sense intuitively that rushing is counterproductive, yet sometimes we feel we have so much to do that we have no choice but to rush. But think about a time when you rushed to complete a task: Did you really save any time? Did you have to go back to fix mistakes caused by rushing?

Rushing can exact a high price: Unhappy clients. Costly mistakes and misunderstandings. Lost sales. Hurt feelings. Beyond all these costs is that rushing causes us to lose our serenity and feel stressed and anxious.

Of course, you have to get your work done. However, you can move quickly without rushing. What is the difference? When you move quickly, you are focused, centered, and in control of yourself, like an Olympic skater spinning on ice. When you rush, you are scattered, un-centered, and at the mercy of emotions or outside forces. When skaters lose focus, they fall–and we do, too.

It’s easy to talk about staying focused and not rushing, but in the tumult of everyday life, it can be hard to do. Fortunately, you can adopt a few habits that will build your capacity to regain control of your time and ultimately be more productive. Here are a few ideas to prime you for success: 

Before You Start Your Day

Knowing your main goals for the next day before you sleep at night enables you to hit the ground running in the morning. 

Don’t jump on your smartphone the moment you wake up. Instead, take a few minutes for yourself. Gather your thoughts and intentions before you let the world come charging in. 

In my experience, even a few minutes of meditation or prayer in the morning can make the difference between a productive day and a frazzled one. A centering practice I learned long ago is this: Sit up straight with shoulders back and feet flat on the floor. Put your attention on a spot about three inches below your navel. Then take several deep breaths, focusing on the center of your belly.

During Your Day

Figure out when your most productive hours are and use them to accomplish your most important tasks. Entrepreneur Alex Cavoulacos suggests following the 1-3-5 rule: Plan to complete one major task, three mid-level goals, and five small jobs daily. If you can only accomplish one big thing, consider the day a success. To achieve this, follow these tips.

• Prioritize. Focusing on the small number of tasks we can achieve daily requires us to prioritize them. Clearly, there will be interruptions; your task is to manage them so you can still accomplish your main tasks. 
• Work to completion. Do not multitask. Multitasking is the source of most rushing. When we try to do three things at once, we generally do all three badly. As a recent Harvard Business Review article stated, it takes an average of 15 minutes to re-orient to a primary task after a distraction such as an email. You may have the illusion that you are more productive because you’re juggling balls madly: Be aware that this feeling is illusory and ultimately leads to a frazzled mental and physical state. You might not be able to complete a whole project during your available time. If that’s the case, then complete a sub-task. 
• Work in short increments. Research indicates that the brain works best in 20-minute increments. After that, our focus begins to wane. So take a moment to stretch or take a quick break every 20 minutes to keep your mind fresh.
• Allow time to re-read before sending any email or document. You can’t take back errors once you send them, so force yourself to check your writing first.

Rush less. Focus more.

Rushing generally leads to regret. The key is to move quickly without rushing. Center yourself at the beginning of your day. Be a unitasker, not a multi-tasker. Give yourself a chance to unwind at regular intervals. Like the spinning skater, you can move quickly without rushing–and get more done in the process.

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