[5 minute read)
We’ve all seen it: A man dashes into an important client meeting ten minutes late. He is muttering, “I’m sorry, the traffic was terrible and then I couldn’t find parking.” His shirt is half untucked and his tie is askew. Sweat gleams on his face and soaks his shirt. Question: Will the client give his presentation as much credibility as if he had arrived on time, neat and calm? His unconscious communication sabotaged the message he was hoping to deliver.
Written communication has “body language” too. Someone once submitted a writing sample that began, “Reguarding the electrical inspection….” He was warning management that certain batteries were likely to fail in critical equipment soon. He needed to be believed. But by starting with a misspelled word, he wrong-footed himself and reduced his impact. Typos, grammar and punctuation errors, unidentified acronyms, and mile-long paragraphs do to the writer what an unkempt appearance and sweaty face do to the speaker: They sabotage the intended message.
Awareness is the First Step
Before we can manage our unintentional messages, we have to know they exist. Presentation skills coaches use video cameras to show people the tics and touches that contradict their spoken words. Consciously attending to our speech, vocal tone, posture, grooming, and expression will help us rein in our unruly impulses.
Revision is the written equivalent of videotaped feedback. People in the Worktalk trainings report that they find mistakes or opportunities for improvement 80 to 100% of the time when they revise, yet when they are rushing, they still fail to reread. Take a moment to check what you’ve written: Your credibility depends on it.
The Real Cost: Generalization
The danger of unintended messages is that other people generalize about our overall competence based on these small signals. In presentation and in writing, signs of carelessness or negativity seem to say something about who we are. When our writing is full of typos and mistakes, readers believe that we are not careful about details and facts., They may come to mistrust our judgment.
Three Tips to Managing Unintentional Communication
- Cultivate mindfulness.
Whether you meditate, do yoga, or focus on the full experience of the moment a few times a day, becoming more conscious of your thoughts and feelings will reduce the stray messages you send out. Practicing mindfulness keeps you on an even emotional keel. Staying centered diminishes our inadvertent emanations.
- Get honest feedback.
Videocameras and editors do a task that can also be fulfilled by that most precious of gifts: a good friend or coach. Ask someone you trust to give you feedback about the way you present yourself; find out if you are undermining the image you want to project.
For written communication, get an editing buddy whom you can share your writing with. Give each other candid feedback in addition to correcting basic errors. You can also benefit from having a professional editor. (Worktalk provides this service.)
- Look in the mirror.
Looking in the mirror means knowing who you are and how you feel. Self-awareness enables us to understand the impulses that lead to unintentional mistakes. I have a colleague who keeps a mirror in front of her computer; when she’s on a difficult call, she sets up the mirror to make sure that her expression stays calm and pleasant. A glance in the mirror will tell you if you are presenting yourself favorably.
When you write, you look in the mirror by calmly and slowly reading what you have written. Reflect on it, if only for a nanosecond. Ask yourself if the words are correct and the tone will make your message welcome.
It takes years of practice, introspection, and effort to become aware of and manage our unintentional communication. But when we consider that our unintended messages may capsize what we wanted to say, we see that polishing our presentation and rereading our writing offer rich rewards.
Resources
11 Powerful Ways to Fix Bad Body Language
The Impact of Unconscious Communication
©2020 Elizabeth Danziger All rights reserved