Those of you who have participated in my business writing trainings know that I encourage writing whose average sentence length is between 10 and 17 words. I emphasize the word “average” because some sentences might be longer than 17 and some might be shorter than 10 in order to maintain an interesting rhythm to the writing. Here I address the question: If you are going to make a sentence longer, what is the best way to do so?
I just finished listening to 24 lectures on “Building Great Sentences: Exploring the Writer’s Craft” by Professor Brooks Landon of the celebrated University of Iowa writing program*. Professor Landon’s view on the necessity of writing shorter sentences, omitting needless words, and being simple and direct differs from what I’ve been teaching for years, but he makes some interesting points. I’m still a proponent of an average sentence length of under 17 words, but for persuasive or complex business writing, it is worth knowing how to build longer sentences.
In discussing sentence length, he quotes the advertising jingle, “It’s not how long you make it, it’s how you make it long.” His view is that if you use what he calls cumulative syntax, you can write long sentences that are cohesive, coherent, purposeful and effective. While his view is more suitable to literary writing, business writers can learn how to approach situations when they are trying to gracefully integrate a lot of information into a single sentence.
Landon lists three ways one can use cumulative syntax to make sentences longer, deeper and richer:
- Add information by using conjunctions or other connective words, like adding boxcars to a train. He calls this strategy connective.
- Add information by subordinating some parts of the sentence to other parts. He calls this strategy subordinative.
- Add information by using modifying words and phrases that turn the information into modifiers. He calls this strategy adjectival. Most of his attention is focused on this method.
Here’s an example. With the core sentence The company raised its rates, one can build the message several ways.
Connective: The company raised its rates and was surprised when none of its customers complained. OR The company raised its rates but no one complained.
Subordinative: The company, which had recently turned down an acquisition offer from a major conglomerate, raised its rates. OR The company raised its rates, which had held steady for several previous years.
Adjectival: The growing company raised its rates, knowing that its loyal customers would not balk, confident in its ability to withstand further takeover attempts. OR The company, in an attempt to increase its gross revenues, raised its rates, knowing that its customers relied on it as a single-source supplier.
Adding information by using adjectives, prepositional phrases and participles (words ending in ed and ing) is a reasonable way to add information to a sentence, provided the final product doesn’t end up being too long. A sentence of over 25 words is too long unless there is compelling reason – and coherent syntax – to make it work.
I’m not going to summarize many hours of lectures into a single blog post; suffice it to say that there is a kernel of truth in this philosophy: Every piece of writing should not read like a piece of staccato music, with short, choppy phrases at every turn. Words that add to the warmth, visual impact, and meaning of a sentence should be retained. We should indeed vary the length and rhythm of our sentences so that the average length stays low but the writing has an interesting cadence and flow. If you splurge on a 21-word sentence, sandwich it between several eight- or nine-word sentences. Especially in proposals and other forms of persuasive writing, longer, deeper sentences have a place.
However, in most business writing, “simple and direct” – not simplistic and clunky – is still the right choice.
©2010/2011 Elizabeth Danziger
- The course was produced by “The Great Courses” series.