This is how you communicate effectively in business without apologizing.
Many women are powerful communicators–clear, direct, and concise. Nevertheless, when training women business leaders to write, I see that they often sabotage themselves in business communication by apologizing, using indirect language, and over-informing. Men might do these things, too, but for the most part, men can retain their authority with these bad habits while they limit career advancement for women.
Gender bias remains a significant issue in business today. While society must do more to address this issue, women must ensure that they are not unconsciously falling into habits that make them seem less confident and competent.
What leads a woman to undermine her message? Perhaps she lacks confidence in her ideas or wants to preempt criticism by disparaging herself first. A lifetime of socialization that tells women to be nice, not make waves, and please others can also impede a woman’s impulse to communicate clearly and directly.
Whatever their reasons, these negative behaviors are habits–of word choice, phrasing, and sentence structure. Habits are learned and can be changed.
Here are three unhelpful writing habits, along with suggestions for how women can change them.
- Adopting an Apologetic Tone
PROBLEM: Hiding behind hedge words.
Words like just, actually, kind of, and you know make us seem small in our readers’ minds. Continually using apologetic language like “Sorry, I’m not an expert but” or “I may be wrong but” sucks the power from our language. Notice the difference between “I actually think we should just buy the new data-colocation system” and “I think we should buy the new data-colocation system.” Which sounds more confident? More credible? An overly conciliatory tone does us no good.
SOLUTION: Create an assertive, friendly, and respectful tone.
You can be assertive without seeming aggressive. State your ideas clearly and add a friendly phrase or word to maintain a warm tone. However, beware of hedge words that make you seem less confident than you are.
The secret is to allow our individualism to shine through without falling into self-limiting language. Using a few hedge words might be appropriate in one message yet ruin another. Awareness of the context and sensitivity to your reader should dictate your word choices.
- TMI: Too Much Information
PROBLEM: In their efforts to be conscientious, women may end up with informational overkill, sharing the whole story when they need only to share a salient point. One woman in a writing workshop told the group, “I’m so afraid of leaving anything out that I end up writing too much.” Remember: Rambling writing leads to roaming readers.
SOLUTION: Know your main point before beginning to write, and make your point within the first 40 words of the document. Follow up with detail and backstory. Be like the CIA: Work on a “need to know” basis. If your reader does not require the information to do their job, omit it. Avoid the urge to prove your worth by telling the reader everything.
- Indirect Sentence Structures
PROBLEM: Writing sentence structures that imply insecurity or self-doubt.
Oblique phrasings like I wanted to, I would like to, I was wondering, and If you don’t mind deflect your message before you have delivered it. They squander your readers’ precious attention by distracting them from your main point.
SOLUTION: Craft powerful, concise sentences.
Rather than start with an indirect introduction, put your main idea forward. Notice the difference between “I just wanted to let you know that we submitted the proposal on time” and “We submitted the proposal on time.” Step up and say what you mean.
Also, eliminate perky punctuation. Use one exclamation point at a time and minimize emojis.
The Ultimate Solution: Be Yourself
The best way to eliminate all these habits is to be authentic. Rather than concealing your strength by nervously overinforming, cautiously phrasing, and over-conciliating, you can be yourself: intelligent, knowledgeable, and clear about your ideas. Slow down and skim what you write before you send it on; notice where the hedge words show up and edit them out.
You might choose to temper your message with indirect language — but if you do so, make it a choice, not an unconscious habit. Remember: no one can be you in the way you can be yourself.